Why do I want to get better in tango?

I am an overachiever. Some times that stood in my way - like when I insisted on staying in one of the best German universities and getting my finance diploma there, even when I knew that I don't even like finance anymore; and other times it has been to my advantage - for example when studying languages or in tango. I was 21, when for the first time in my life I quit doing something, just because I didn't see why continue. Never before had it even entered my mind that I could quit what I've started. Stupid, right?

So, part of why I have been working on my tango for so many years and why I keep working on it, is because I'm obsessive and an overachiever. I start doing something and I want to do it to the best of my abilities, because I believe that things are worth doing only if I do them as good as I can. If I intend to halfass them, I am better off not doing them at all. But this is just one part of my motivation.

Another part came in the form of two encounters. The first was 14 years ago. Due to a bad first teacher I though that tango was boring and wanted to quit, when I saw my first master - Constantin Rueger -, dancing at a milonga. He was young and handsome, she was young and gorgeous, they were dancing close embrace, which I had never seen before, both had their eyes closed, or so it seemed, and they looked so blissful, so happy, so into each other and the moment, that I could not take my eyes off of them. That's when I got a glimpse of what tango can be like and decided that one day I want to dance with this guy and make him feel the way this woman does right now. He he, I am not at all competitive or obsessive, right? ;) It took me 12 years to get there, but I managed! :) My second encounter was almost on my 13th year anniversary in tango. I danced socially with my second master - Horacio Godoy -, and I felt as if he opened a window behind him and allowed me to look though it, and see the stars of a different universe - a universe made of music and motion, and tantalizing stillness. I didn't know what he did or how he did it, but I knew I wanted to learn from him, I wanted to see through that window again, I wanted one day to walk among the stars of that universe, and then to be able to open such windows for others.

To me tango is a process of self-exploration and I can make progress only if I turn my attention inwards - to my body and my emotions. Getting better in tango means getting technically better and healthier, because it's my body which creates the physical expression of my emotions, and it, just like any other instrument, needs to be fine-tuned. Getting better means becoming more understanding, more sensitive, more appreciating, more accepting, more connected, more self-reflected, more generous, more enlightened, more, more, more… Getting better means getting moved by the tango music, inspired by it to the point of wanting to express it, to honor it, to sing it, to share it, to dissolve in it. Getting better is when you realize that you will dance to the same songs not hundreds but may be thousands of times, and start choosing different parts of the music to accentuate or to skip. To me expressing the music is like making a salad from 10 ingredients. If you always put all 10 of them, you will always eat basically the same salad. (Oh my beloved German language, which distinguishes between "der gleiche" and "der selbe Salat"!) But if you decide to use only some of the ingredients at any given time and combine them differently… oh, the variety of salads that you will have!

So, why do I want to get better at tango? Beside the obvious, that as I teacher I feel I have the responsibility to be as good of a dancer and teacher, and as knowledgable as I can be, I want to get better because I've felt an universe that I can't see with my eyes, because I feel beautiful when dancing, because I get to connect with people on a level beyond words, because I get to learn about myself and because the tango music inspires me and keeps revealing nuances, which I hadn't discovered before. May be one day I'll know it all, or may be tango music is "the living word" of that tango gods? ;)